Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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