The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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