This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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