i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
