It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
