Where is the hickey?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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