I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
