Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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