Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
