You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
