i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
