I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
