I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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