So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
