i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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