i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
