i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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