I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
