Please, let me fuck your mom
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
