Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
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Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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