Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
