i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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