After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
