my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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