i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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