i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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