Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
