I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
