I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
