Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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