he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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