I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
