youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
