I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
