I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
