You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
