Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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