worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
