I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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