morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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