I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
