She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
