It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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