Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
