y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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