Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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