my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
