listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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