It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
