we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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