Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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