Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
