walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize