people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
