i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize