We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
