Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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