I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize