Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
