tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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