The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
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some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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