Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
