awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
